i know, i know [15 Sep 2005|01:25pm] [ mood | blah ] Yeah I know I've been keeping to myself and not updating anyone lately. It's just how I've felt lately, I'd rather stick to myself than do anything else. It's not a problem, but rather a mood that needs to pass. My job search may be improving, I spoke with some one today about a job, so that's progress in itself. I have 11 more days of working my current job, plus weekends, which means in 15 days I'm unemployed. But something will turn up by then I'm sure. For right now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed. Other than looking for a job, my life is pretty much uneventful. I found a new game online I like to play, so I've been doing that. Otherwise, that's it. For right now, I need to get back to the meaningless busy work I'm doing at work today, and cross my fingers that the next hour and a half go quickly. 2 comments|post comment

it's official [22 Aug 2005|10:27am] [ mood | i just like this one ] I've hit somewhat of a predicament in posting on here, as well at my other sites. I no longer am alone in my office, and no longer can I slack off at work (as much). Now, this is a great thing though. I've been training some one for a little over a week now on how to do my job, so I don't have to do it anymore. But, she's is always within 10 feet of me (luckily I like her) except when one of us is running to the bathroom, or some where else. And, I never ever think of updating at home, I'm too busy downloading stuff I don't need then. But, I think I'm going to have to try to update more from home, or else, I'll never be updating. Speaking of home, I have officially moved. I am currently living at 307 S. Negley Ave #1, Pittsburgh, PA 15213. Hopefully I won't be moving again anytime soon, so keep a hold of that address. As for my weekend, I didn't really do too much. I am officially out of South Oakland, never living there again (though I thoroughly enjoyed my time there when I was a student). I have a bed now finally, it arrived on Saturday, and it is more comfortable than any other bed I've ever had. And finally Sunday, I got a day to myself where I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything, and that's pretty much what I did. But now I'm back to work for another week of boredom. post comment

life goes on... [12 Aug 2005|09:40pm] [ mood | drained ] So I haven't really been into updating too much lately, and everytime that I say I am going to, something else comes along. But, now, I'm totally moved, with the exception of a little cleaning that needs to be done in my former apartment. And my new apartment, well, it looks like a tornado hit and dropped boxes all over the place. Nothing to much else has been bogging me down, I've just been a slacker. Friday I left work early because I had a migraine. So I went home and did a little (more like a lot) of moving instead of taking care of my headache. But that's alright, it wasn't really that bad. Yesterday, Serina had a party at her house for everyone (almost) from work, and those who have already departed our office for other places. It was really fun though. She lives very near to my mom so I spent the rest of the weekend at my mom's house. And of course used her car and her bank account to my advantage. Tomorrow I'm off work again, but I have to wait for the stupid comcast people to come to hook up my cable and internet. Hopefully they'll come closer to 12:00 than 4:00. Oh well, it's geting late for me, so I'm going to head off to bed soon. If you want my new address or anything let me know, I'll give it to you (if I like you...ha ha ha) post comment

blah [11 Aug 2005|10:29am] not feeling real well bored out of my ever loving mind meg's moving away today carpets get cleaned tomorrow that means i have to clean up moe's my new friend some guy told me something interesting he's obsessed with footwear like looking at people's feet constantly he freaked me out just a little someone is driving me nuts i hate levin furniture i wish i my bed would be delivered i have 6 vacation days to use by the end of sept. pizza hut buffet last night post comment

[03 Aug 2005|01:44pm] [ mood | cranky ] Short today.....memory only. Today's memory takes me back to my freshman year of college when I lived in the ever so lovely tower B. The 20th floor totally rocked. Yeah we were living in the sky, but that didn't stop us from running around the circle screaming because it was almost quiet hours. Yep it was fun, and now it's done. post comment

lack of trust [02 Aug 2005|09:27am] [ mood | confused ] I've been thinking a lot lately about things in my life, if you couldn't tell by previous posts. But recently several things have become clear to me. Funny that I should write this exactly 30 years to the day after my parents were married, but I've been really thinking about it for a long time now. Now I have several friends whose parents have been married, living together, and still genuinely love each other after 25+ years of marriage, so I know that love really does exist, I see it through these people. But, for me, I find myself in a predicament every time I get to know anyone (including my some of my good friends). I can't get myself to trust anyone. And I'm not joking, at some point in time, I have found it very difficult to trust anyone, and everyone. It's not that I don't want to trust people, I just can't. Ever since my parents separated, I have not been able to. So many other things changed then also, that I wish I never had to deal with. I never really got too down on them separating when they did, but so many different things have happened in the past 2 years that it's all I can think about a lot of the time. Now, don't get me wrong, like I said above, I can see that things have worked better for other people, but I'm still skeptical. My grandparents, for example (if both my grandfathers were still alive) would have been married 56 and 58 years this year. When both Grandfathers died, they were still happily married, with what I could tell truly in love with each other. I don't know where I was really going with this now, I feel like I'm talking in circles. I think I'm just a confused person and there's nothing that anyone can do about it. On another note, I decided that everytime that I write I'm going to put a little memory of something in my post, they may be the same on both here and xanga, so don't harass me about it. Today's memory takes us back to the summer of 1999, as per usual, it was Sunday and we were driving to camp. Unfortunately, as we approached the mountain on route 22, just past Blairsville, we encountered an oversize truck trudging up the road. Much to our surprise, some one was "building" a house that day. So we followed a house up the road for several miles. Now, really that's not that bad, if you aren't supposed to be somewhere, but when we got to camp with our excuse ready ("We followed a house down 22") no one believed us. Now, my memory isn't that no one believed us, but rather every time I go past that house (now over 6 years old in it's current location) I have to laugh because of the day that we followed it down the road. post comment

[01 Aug 2005|01:49pm] [ mood | gloomy ] So my weekend was good. I spent some time at the tator patch, spent some time shopping, and then the moving began. I bought a new desk, and thus put it together last night. I really like it, it's silver metal with black wood-like substance. I guess you'll just have to visit to see it. I still don't have a new job, and I'm still in a depressed state of mind. Otherwise, all is well. I was pondering some things, but I'll write about them later because I have other things to do at work today. post comment

i'm going to be wise?!?!? [29 Jul 2005|10:36am] [ mood | tired ] I made an interesting discovery last night...At age 24, I'm finally getting wisdom teeth. I don't know how that will help my lack of wisdom, but hopefully it will. But, I thought that there was a popcorn piece stuck in my gums, so I tried to get it out. Only to find out that there is a gaping hole in my gums with a little white thing starting to poke through. The good thing is though, it doesn't hurt at all, and I don't really notice it's there. So, hopefully all will be well and I'll get to keep it. I'm not too big on surgical procedures. Also, I checked my loans this morning, and miraculously, they've been consolidated. Too bad they told me a couple weeks ago that I didn't qualify for consolidation. So it was quite a surprise, though a very nice one because my monthly payments dropped to less that 50% of what they were and are now feasible. TGIF...that's all I have to say about that. This week has gone incredibly fast, but still not fast enough for me. I really need a weekend, I really need to catch up on some sleep because I feel like I haven't gotten any. And the job prognosis is not good. I haven't heard from anyone at all. I've sent stuff to at least 7 or 8 places I know are hiring plus a bunch at UPMC and nobody likes me. :-( Oh well, I have 32 more days until I'm unemployed to worry about it. post comment

paradise not quite lost, but some mere memories [28 Jul 2005|08:23am] [ mood | drunk ] I'm am dedicating this post to the Spring 2001 IBK Pledge Class...some great friends who I haven't seen some of in quite a while.... Those who know me know that I have quite an eclectic array of music on my mp3 player. As I turned up Boquet Street this morning heading to work a new song was about to start, but being on random, I never know what's coming next. So, surprise for me....it was Paradise, which lead to some thinking on my part. I was thinking about a lot of things, like the very first time I was at an IBK party or the first year I went to band camp, and Paradise came on, I thought those people were mad crazy. All lining up against the wall dancing and singing at the top of their lungs. Or the time we went to Andy's house and his parents looked at us like some really off the wall characters who all seemed to love this Meatloaf song from 1977, well before any our time. It's amazing how one song could completely change my motivation this morning. I was plugging along, not real happy to be going to work, and then all of a sudden it changed. I thought back to many things that happened while we were pledging, those crazy things we did, but we did them all together, and had a good time. That was probably one of the best semesters I had in school too, amazingly. But really I was thinking back to some really fun times, with some fun people. And, honestly, after it was over, pledging was one of the best times of my life, yeah it was hard, but I had a good time making an idiot out of myself. So thus this is dedicated to my pledge class who are 9 awesome people. ps. my little goat on the top is for old time sake, reflecting this post. I'm not really drunk at work. he he he 1 comment|post comment

[27 Jul 2005|10:03am] [ mood | mellow ] Day 2 and I'm liking this one more and more, I'm still not sure which one I'm going to stick with, but for now I'll just continue. The more and more I think about things lately, the more I wish I could go back in time. I think it's because of this whole job situation that I'm in at the moment. Yesterday I got my notice of my last day. So as of August 31st, I will be officially unemployed along with most of the other people I work with. :-( As happy as I am to finally have an excuse to get out of this place, it's kind of upsetting. I've been in the same lab for 6 years now. It's really the only job that I've had except for at camp. I don't count McD's because that's not really a job, it's a way for kids, retired people, and mentally handicapped people to make a little extra money. (I'm not knocking anyone who works in the fast food industry, but rather sharing my opinion.) I really don't like my job at all, except for most of the people who work here. (There is one person who I hope to never see again on a daily basis). I'm still being hopeful that something comes along soon, it's not like I'm slacking on looking or anything, but no one likes to call me. Anywho, I need to pretend to do some work, and rejoice in someone's vacation starting in about an hour (for 10 days!!) and it's not mine. But, back to work for me. post comment

Confused [26 Jul 2005|09:22am] [ mood | stressed ] I decided that maybe I would like livejournal better than xanga, so I'm going to check it out for a while and decide which one to stick with. My reasoning for this is because a lot of people I know on xanga have been switching over to livejournal, and i have been hit with some peer pressure. I don't really know how to work anything on here though so it may take me a bit before this starts looking like anything. I may accept help though if offered. My job search is continuing to suck majorly. I have sent out several resumes/applications to places that I know are hiring, but they must not like me. (or they just like to be slow). Who knows, but my deadline is fast approaching, I have maybe another month in this job, but that I don't know for sure. So I'll keep my fingers crossed that something comes up really soon. On top of that stress, I'm moving next week...eek! I'm not exactly ready for that, but I'm happy to be moving because that means I'm out of the stinky apartment building I'm in now. If you want my address let me know and I'll be sure to tell you where I'll be. I just hope that moving gradually will be a lot easier than the move I did last year, in like 4 hours after working all day. I think it'll be easier though because we can actually use a car this time to move rather than carrying everything down the block. We'll see, and I'm sure I'll update about that later. On to another, more sentimental note. I've been thinking a lot lately about my life. If you would have asked me 7 years ago what situation I'd be in right now, I would have been totally wrong. If you would have asked me who I'd be friends with, I'd have been totally wrong again. Fast forward a couple years, maybe 5 years ago, and ask me the same questions, I'd still be wrong. And honestly, don't get me wrong, I love the friends that I have now but I just wish that I could change some things. I wish that I could go back a couple years and go back to the friends some of the friends I used to be close with (and some who were just friends but we had fun together). I can't blame the loss of contact on anyone but myself, but I just wish that I could have done things differently. I also wish that I could change what I would have done in my "career" and I would have never taken this job last summer. I really can't think of any reason why I did take it, except some one offered me a full-time job and I jumped. I really like the people here (with the exception of one) but I should have gotten out and experienced somewhere else, something maybe related to my degree? Back to the other part, I'm really starting to worry now though because I have several friends moving/have moved on to other places 100s of miles away, and I'm just afraid I'm going to fall into the same trap again. And I always say I'm going to get back in contact with some people from my past but I never seem to get up the nerve to do it. I don't know why, I don't think they hate me or anything (but maybe they do), it's just that we've all moved on, and I feel like I'm the outsider looking in and I don't like that. Maybe I'm just the weirdo that can't let go of the past, but maybe on the other hand I shouldn't have to, I'm the one that let things slip by the wayside, and I'm the one that has to deal with it. I just don't understand how some people can have the same friends that they did in elementary school and they've moved on with their lives too. Maybe it's just me that has issues, and maybe I should do something at work today. So those are my thoughts, and I'll leave you with them for today. post comment

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